BUT, when he is completely comfortable in a situation, he is highly flexible and responsive. This has me thinking about some of the ways I can help him as the school year starts. There will be new, uncomfortable social situations for him. I'm thinking that I'll pull out social stories (one of my first posts) from my tool box and start talking about all those constructive choices he can make (verbal requests for time, physically moving himself away, etc.). I've seen that worried look on his face, but I hadn't identified anxiety as a potentially key issue confounding his learning.
This is an article on anxiety and Autism that I was reading recently. In this case, the issue is the teacher / parent's response. I think one of the most powerful ideas is to slow down. Whenever the concern starts to mount, giving time to cope can make all the difference in preventing a break down. My kiddo is still so emotionally young, but he is progressing with every skill and experience. I'm curious if anyone else has experience with anxiety in kids and what techniques have worked for you.
(If he's doing well building a lego masterpiece, he's glad to change position for vacuuming or have whatever is "handy" for lunch. If he's not feeling successful, the flexibility goes out the door and everything is a tragedy. This topic definitely deserves more Mommy thinking :) .)
This is interesting, because you might have described my son. He can be demanding and controlling in social situations with his friends, and yet sometimes, also flexible and fun.
ReplyDeleteI've not noticed him showing social anxiety--but then again, maybe I don't know what I'm looking for? What are the signs of anxiety versus, say, regular kind of bossiness (the kind my son seems to exhibit)?
What I see in my son is a facial expression and a genuine confusion regarding how to get someone to do what he wants. If he's playing a game and I see that look of concern, now, I think I'd step in with some suggestions of things he could say. When he's experiencing that emotion, it seems like it blocks him from remembering options he has. He'll grab something or yell in a kid's face "NO!" These are much younger responses that are unusual for him if he is feeling comfortable in a situation. When he isn't, that anxiety gets in his way... for now. So, I just see it as a skill that will take a bit more Mommy teaching and support, now that I've identified it.
ReplyDeleteThis is just a thought, but it may help to give your son words to describe the emotions that he's experiencing. When you see him make that anxty look you could ask him if he is sad, mad, glad, afraid, ashamed, hurt. You might further by saying that he can feel any one of these emotions, a combination of a few, or all of them at the same time.
ReplyDeleteSarah: Great idea! I remember using words to identify the emotion a lot when my son was younger but, even then, he usually needed more. My son is a major verbal processor and needs to talk and talk about what he's feeling... literally nearing an hour sometimes for one incident. I think it's a great idea to start with, "I see that worried look. Would you like too...[constructive choices]." That should really help with the introspection. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteAdults also are more "well behaved" when things are going well! I think the trick is to learn to consider more times as going well. One can't always be successful, but there are things with which to occupy oneself in the meantime. Recall Edison's statement that he had 10k non-lightbulbs. What did one learn from each case? What did one learn from one's current situation? So if I'm working at a project, how does this part that doesn't fit help contribute to something that can? If I'm noticing I'm grumpy is it because I haven't eaten protein? Even very big boys have been known to have that latter problem :).
ReplyDeleteThe photo is just gorgeous :).
annetheagile: A very good point! I think my kiddo takes after his Daddy in the forgetting to eat until things are functioning at bare minimum! I love the happy accomplishment pics too. It's one of the reasons I so enjoy doing the autobiographical memory boards because there are these great pictures for my son to enjoy and contemplate. He just spent ten minutes evaluating the one we did this morning. (The post just after this one has a pic of it)
ReplyDeleteI also want to note for myself that OGrownups (http://groups.google.com/group/ogrownups) is providing great discussion of this post that I can look at in future under the topic "Childhood Anxiety".