Word Of the Year. My Intent.

I’m not exactly sure how I got started choosing a word of the year. I know that I was highly skeptical at first, but I’ve found it pleasant and helpful in guiding me to self-orient each day to whatever I’ve chosen as that reminder. I’ll do a basic chronology of the words I’ve chosen so far and then I’ll mention what just happened that’s a first.

As you can see below, I kinda fumbled the first year by hyphenating, but my goal with “positive-health” was intentionally changing my focus. I’d been dealing with so many providers and tests to try to figure out migraines and thinking about it was taking more of my mental focus than was actually helpful. I wanted to make sure that I focused on addressing that issue only when appropriate and nurtured appreciation for all aspects of positive-health the rest of the time. Next, I noticed that when redirecting myself I often had a bit of a demanding or anxious tone; I wanted to foster “gentleness”. I got pretty good at that but still felt kinda up-and-down in that inner-space, so I went for “serenity”. After that, I was looking for a more energized baseline and “joy” was a perfect match. Then I noticed that I had a little ambivalence in self-talk because I had been unkind to myself by setting unfair standards in the past; so I worked on “kindness” from the point of view of consistency, kindness that I could trust. I was feeling super successful with that and chose “sparkle” next because that feeling of playfulness from a place of strength was what I felt would be the most nurturing. And, this year, I chose “comfort”. I would have preferred a triple hyphen, comfort-in-the-now, because that was the concept I was going for, but I couldn’t find a single word that I liked better. I’ve been working on really enjoying the moment when positive or just acknowledging if not so fun… comfort in not projecting catastrophes forward or worrying about duplicating past mistakes… cultivating that process of presence and then choosing next actions. 

2015

Positive-health

Make sure my focus is on the positive, that I'm pursing the good, fun, happy parts of health (not only focusing on my challenges).

2016

Gentleness

2017 

Serenity

Perfecting that ability to avoid internal ruffles when faced with challenging child, friend, current events.

2018

Joy

That inner smile from a place of strength, resilliance, and peace. 

2019

Kindness 

Consistent self-kindness, so I can trust myself to never be so self-cruel again

2020

Sparkle

2021

Comfort

I want to foster of feeling of comfort in the now… not that I don’t take actions and improve, but that I can be comfortable resting in the moment that is with a gentle smile, sparkle, and gratitude.

In addition to reminding myself briefly of this word each day as part of my morning routine (less than two minutes), I get a MyIntent charm. I love browsing this necklaces as it has so much meaning for me.

So… what’s the something new? 

For the first time ever, I’m changing my word before the end of the year. From the beginning of this year, I had a bit of unease with “comfort” missing the aspect of the challenge I felt… the connotation of “lazy"!  I’m doing a course on developing better back health and one of the quick exercises was taking the time to look at your self-image and note if there were any aspects that get in your way. Rapidly I noticed that I tell myself, “I’m not a strong person.”  Hmmm, it didn’t take long for me to notice that I was making that a self-fulling prophecy! Not only do I struggle with motivating myself in strength training, that limiting belief would also sometimes sneak into other areas. It’s easy for me to challenge if I notice and I was rapidly clear that that was a more productive place to focus the last season of this year. So… I’ll have an extra charm for 2021 that says “strength”. Each day, I will re-point myself to nurturing that self-image… I can already feel the excitement!

By Jove. He's fine.

This is what I see when I look at my child's desk/work area.

On the floor we have: wallet, iPad, papers from four classes, a chewed kazoo, pencils

On the desk we have: papers from four classes, chewed erasers, broken cables, dishes, trash, pencils

The papers and mayhem cover the "kitchen" table (and a counter out of the frame). This situation is dubbed "fine" by my son.

While I admit to finding that adjective challenging, I hear it a lot. The fact that he struggles to find things in these piles is "fine". The fact that he misses calendar events that are not routine is "fine". His aversion to soap and shampoo is "fine". 

I'll keep working to help him figure out the next skill within his reach. His development continues to be so asynchronous that there just isn't an easy answer.  But, I just wrote this status update to his educational/therapy team and my conclusion is that he is fine. We'll figure out the next steps together.

Hello team,

Cameron has now completed his sixth semester of dual enrollment at Colorado Preparatory Academy and The Community College of Aurora. He handled the challenge of overlapping compressed-time-frame courses well after that first struggle and has completed the semester with all A’s. 

In the middle of the semester I gradually turned over the monitoring of all class feedback to him. In the past, reading and responding to teacher feedback was a challenge; I needed to bring the grades/feedback in each course to his attention and help him picture his response each week. But he did beautifully with that skill this semester! He also responded to a rough Spanish test by independently reaching out to the teacher to learn from the experience (resulting in A’s in the subsequent tests). And, he proceeded to show more work and ace his Calculus final after receiving this feedback from the teacher…"First, when working with AST, the (-1)k is not included as part of the 2 conditions. Then the work you have here isn’t clear how this is less than 1. This does simplify to 1 𝑒𝑒 < 1"

He is on track to graduate in December with both his associate’s degree and high school diploma. Fall 2021 will be the first semester that he takes a full college course load, but the one additional course is unlikely to be a significant challenge. The current challenge is finding the best path to try after December.

Asynchronous development in social/emotional maturity continues to be a challenge. The online platform has offered a valuable buffer for his often immature original-responses to feedback, learning, and conflict. He can vent loudly at the inanimate computer and regain his composure before interacting, but that is not the case in a college dorm or a physical job. His interpersonal skills/maturity are still at roughly the 13-14 year old level. He will turn eighteen shortly before December so he will be facing this new phase as a legal adult and thus the consequences for missteps become much higher. He is also struggling to master the breadth of skills involved in driving independently which modifies the college/work options available. Exploring options will be a key activity over the summer and fall; I’m glad for any suggestions you care to offer.

Outside of school he’s been playing lots of bullet chess online and modifying an already complex board game to become even more labyrinthine! 

Thank you so much for all your help,

Rachel

P.S. A fun moment on Mother’s Day... 

We were just reading a bit of Shakespeare after dinner and Cameron kept complaining that his study of Spanish was messing with his English. Yet, one word he didn’t pause; he thought he had it. He came across the word “Jove” and blithely proceeded to read “Hoe-vay”!

I couldn’t help picturing Zeus looking down from Mount Olympus with little lightning-bolt-sparks of fury at every mispronunciation-giggle

And

Every time we read about Bertie and Jeeves, I’m now going to be picturing Bertie saying, “By hoe-vay!” Instead of “By jove!” And Jeeves is going to have that pained expression.

We do have a lot of smiles including surprise pictures and… this year’s Mother’s Day sonnet (one of his traditions): 

Sea Ranch: A New Favorite!

I think we have a new favorite house at Sea Ranch... the most amazing views from every window and the coastal path goes behind it so the privacy is amazing. We had an amazing time!

Here's the house, it's called Sunset Point.

View looking North from the bluff

View looking North from the tide pools below

View looking South from a different peninsula

View from the driveway before you're out on the point with 270 degrees of ocean

Inside there are lots of glorious places for sitting with a view (and the internet was the best we've ever had at Sea Ranch... full video-connection stable!)

When creating a feast in the kitchen bellow, my husband occasionally got spied on by my mom from her office above... but maybe it was the smell of duck!

That does seem to invite one to share food photos of Andrew's masterpieces next... duck, rabbit, Beef Bourguignon... fancy sides like artichokes and rosemary potatoes... glorious!

The spring flowers were especially glorious this year leading to the first of two favorite photos of the trip... so pretty!

And more flower lovelies:

And then there are the views from the trail and beaches full of birds and sparkling ocean and cozy logs to rest on when you want to just ponder the loveliness. The last one of this group gives me a special smile... my mom made a footprint heart in the sand :) 

And, there's my love of the tide pools... especially finding sea urchin shells! Squee, so much fun!

Finally, there are the views from the point itself which were an unending delight and... my second favorite photo is the final one here. Sharing the beauty of this place that nourishes me every time.