Me and my kiddo

Me and my kiddo

Thursday, April 16, 2026

Secret Garden : One example of a wonderful Literature At Our House novel

I love teaching "The Secret Garden" and especially in the spring!!! This is just a quick post about some of delights of that process (including many quotes so that you can share in the delight). I have taught the upper elementary class of Literature At Our House for close to a decade. We'll finish up this year's discussion tomorrow. (This post has spoilers regarding the plot of "The Secret Garden.")

This book is full of engaging questions that help students connect with literature.
Examples: 
• Martha's question when Mary is cranky at the start of novel (students then asked themselves this question and wrote about what they liked about themselves).
“How does tha’ like thysel’?” she inquired, really quite as if she were curious to know.”
 ― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden
• Mary's question about if her secret would be safe (and then we studied Tennyson's poem "The Throstle" in class). 
“If tha’ was a missel thrush an’ showed me where thy nest was, does tha’ think I’d tell any one? Not me,” he said. “Tha’ art as safe as a missel thrush.” And she was quite sure she was.” 
― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden
• Colin explaining why he had finally pulled back the curtain to see the portrait of his mother's laughing face after leaving it covered so many years (students then made many personal connections to the challenge of connecting with a person when the other person was not matching their own feelings.) 
"You are wondering why the curtain is drawn back. I am going to keep it like that."
"Why?" asked Mary. 
"Because it doesn't make me angry any more to see her laughing." 
― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden 

This book allows students to explore a different definition of magic from our other novels (like the Arthurian legends). In "The Secret Garden", magic is the wonder of plants, animals, children and adults growing. What a delightful concept to explore in the spring! 
Examples: 
“It's something, it can be nothing. I don't know its name, so I call it magic. I've never seen a sunrise, but Mary and Dickon have, and for what they tell me, I'm sure that is magic, too. Something pushes it up and draws it. Sometimes since I've been in the garden I've looked up through the trees at the sky and I have had a strange feeling of being happy as if something were pushing and drawing in my chest and making me breathe fast. Magic is always pushing and drawing and making things out of nothing. Everything is made out of Magic, leaves and trees, flowers and birds, badgers and foxes and squirrels and people. So it must be all around us. In this garden--in all the places. The Magic in this garden has made me stand up and know I am going to live to be a man. I am going to make the scientific experiment of trying to get some and put it in myself and make it push and draw me and make me strong. I don't know how to do it but I think that if you keep thinking about it and calling it perhaps it will come.
― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden 

This novel is full of empowerment as first one child and then another feels their power to grow themselves gradually improve. 
“So long as Colin shut himself up in his room and thought only of his fears and weakness and his detestation of people who looked at him and reflected hourly on humps and early death, he was a hysterical half-crazy little hypochondriac who knew nothing of the sunshine and the spring and also did not know that he could get well and could stand upon his feet if he tried to do it. When new beautiful thoughts began to push out the old hideous ones, life began to come back to him, his blood ran healthily through his veins and strength poured into him like a flood. His scientific experiment was quite practical and simple and there was nothing weird about it at all. Much more surprising things can happen to any one who, when a disagreeable or discouraged thought comes into his mind, just has the sense to remember in time and push it out by putting in an agreeable determinedly courageous one. Two things cannot be in one place. "Where, you tend a rose, my lad, A thistle cannot grow.” 
― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden 

“In each century since the beginning of the world wonderful things have been discovered. In the last century more amazing things were found out than in any other century before. In this new century hundreds of things still more astounding will be brought to light. At first people refuse to believe that a strange new thing can be done, then they see it can be done- then it is done and all the world wonders why it was not done centuries ago. One of these things people began to find out in the last century was that thoughts- just mere thoughts- are as powerful as electric batteries- as good for one as sunlight is, or as bad for one as poison. To let a sad thought or a bad one get into your mind is as dangerous as letting a scarlet fever germ get into your body. If you let it stay there after it has got in you may never get over it as long as you live." 
 The Secret Garden Frances Hodgson Burnett 1911
 ― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden

Finally, there is so much beautiful language in this novel to reward the reader and uplift them. 
For example, Mary's answer when Colin asks her what is spring and Mr. Craven's answer when she asks him for a bit of earth. 
• [Spring]“It is the sun shining on the rain and the rain falling on the sunshine, and things pushing up and working under the earth', said Mary. 
― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden 
• “Might I,” quavered Mary, “might I have a bit of earth?”
In her eagerness she did not realize how queer the words would sound and that they were not the ones she had meant to say. 
Mr. Craven looked quite startled. “Earth!” he repeated. “What do you mean?” 
“To plant seeds in—to make things grow—to see them come alive,” Mary faltered. 
 He gazed at her a moment and then passed his hand quickly over his eyes. “Do you—care about gardens so much,” he said slowly. 
 “I didn’t know about them in India,” said Mary. “I was always ill and tired and it was too hot. I sometimes made little beds in the sand and stuck flowers in them. But here it is different.” 
Mr. Craven got up and began to walk slowly across the room. “A bit of earth,” he said to himself, and Mary thought that somehow she must have reminded him of something. When he stopped and spoke to her his dark eyes looked almost soft and kind. 
 “You can have as much earth as you want,” he said. “You remind me of some one else who loved the earth and things that grow. When you see a bit of earth you want,” with something like a smile, “take it, child, and make it come alive.”
 ― Frances Hodgson Burnett, The Secret Garden 

Here’s to sharing and developing the human joy of literature… this book is a seriously powerful and delightful way to do that.

Sunday, February 15, 2026

Self-talk: Cultivating a Kindness Habit

I've been thinking about self-talk recently and how much my self-talk has changed. This is a sharing of my gathered thoughts more than a refined presentation, but I hope it has some gems that others will find useful.


Big Picture:

- Humans talk to themselves a lot and thus all the research on habits and neuroplasticity applies.  How we talk to ourselves most often (habitually) will continue by default and we can change that with the tools of habit change.

- Improving self-talk is not about ignoring reality; it is about a kindness approach to oneself. (Does the self-talk language pass the test of how you would speak to a loved one?)

- As with all things human, the body matters. Poor sleep and poor nutrition will make it harder to think clearly and feel good... neurotransmitters work a certain way. It will be harder to speak to oneself with kindness if feeling terrible.

- As with all things human, philosophy matters. Self talk and emotions respond to what a person has consciously or subconsciously accepted about the world and what they should do in it. People will feel and tell themselves that they are bad if they are not living up to their accepted principles.


Personal history:

The last one was my biggest problem in the past.  I deeply believed to be good was to follow all the religious laws of Judaism. So, every time I missed one, I felt awful. The self talk of "not good enough" was constant.  While that unfair standard resolved, I definitely didn't have a habit of kind self talk.  


In practice:

So, cultivating a habit of kindness with self-talk starts with making sure there's nothing big picture in the way and, after that, I think is mostly developed by self care and gratitude practices. But, it can be hard to notice opportunities so I've gathered some examples. As with any habit, kind self-talk becomes easier and more automatic with practice.

Opportunities for negative or positive self talk with some potential responses:

- Having an emotion / random thought that is unpleasant. 
"I'm such a grouch!" 
"Ya, I'm feeling cranky / anxious. What can I do to care for myself as I figure out what's next?"
"That was a mean thing to think." 
"Wacky thought. Good thing I get to choose my actions!"
Since the emotion/thought is involuntary, it's really unfair to self-criticize but habits take awhile to change.

- Having a physical trait / temperament trait that isn't desired (looking in the mirror or experiencing something as hard that is easy for others) 
"My skin is so ugly!"
"Good morning beautiful me... looking a bit dry. Let's enjoy a rose hydrosol!"
"I'm just a wimp."
"Being assertive is a skill I work on intentionally. I get to choose."
We all get our own Aristotelian slate that we're born with and anyone who has been around kids knows it's not fully blank. It's just reality and we get so many lovely choices after that point.

- Making a mistake where it's clearly an accident
"Clumsy! Stubbed your toe again!"
"Ouch! Sorry self, didn't mean to do that!"
I noticed myself doing this apologizing-to-self thing recently and had a bit of a giggle. Of course my toe isn't a separate being, but it felt like self care... and I did put on extra fuzzy socks.

-Making a mistake where we feel like we should have known better
"Idiot! You Should have known better!"
"Yep, I goofed that. That feels rotten. I need to deal with the feelings and the consequences. What am I going to do next for self-care and for learning to avoid the same mistake."
This one is so powerful. It seems like most mistakes we can blame on ourselves if we try. The positive side of that is that most mistakes are ones we can respond to with both compassion and a growth mindset.

And, one side note, I think there is a need to allow ourselves silence sometimes to hear better.  When I get really into an audio book series or start subscribing to too many podcasts, I notice that I don't have the down time to process with self-talk... and then only the loudest yells get through.  Only this month, research was published that pink noise interferes with REM sleep which is essential for emotional regulation... I wonder  about giving our awake minds enough quiet time too.  My favorite spots for quiet are nature and baths!


So, like I said, this is more gathering of thoughts. I hope they help with developing the habit of kind self talk.  Having experienced both sides... I definitely prefer the self kindness.

Monday, January 19, 2026

Gratitude Practice

 A friend asked me recently for hints on how to establish a gratitude practice and I was startled to find that she was thinking of only writing.  So, here are some quick thoughts on creating a gratitude habit.

• Connecting any sensation to gratitude counts (touch, taste, vision and smell are my favorites)

• Fostering appreciation counts (one cannot express authentic appreciation without feeling gratitude)

• Experiencing the feeling of gratitude grows easier with practice, like a muscle that gets stronger

• Verbalizing and writing are great too and let you concretize with language what you're grateful for

• Customize a gratitude practice for yourself, everyone is individual on what feels both easy and good


Here are some quick examples, all of which are things I do regularly:

- Touch a tree trunk and feel gratitude for the beauty of nature

- Greet the sun with a smile each morning and let it warm the closed eyelids (it makes a lovely, red glow if they get warm)

- Purr at the feel of flannel sheets

- Close my eyes to relish the taste of cacao

- Snuggle pets

- Write "three good things" emails to my best friend each day

- Make a note in a "fun journal" about a top fun thing for the day (I got one of those 5 year journals and I'm trying this for the first time.)

- Write or verbalize notes of appreciation for other's actions 

- Relish a qi gong movement or a breath practice that feels so good

- Send a daily meme to my college kid and feel that moment of love

- Cherish the wonders of a hobby that I love (for me it's barbershop singing, but it could be gardening or a sport...)

- Notice beautiful things in one's soundings with joy (recently my winter amaryllis have been blooming, but I also notice regular things like cherished art on my walls)

- Recite favorite poems that thrill (I have less than a half dozen that are memorized, but I love every one of them)

- Visit with favorite literary characters (Isn't it wonderful that there are characters like Anne of Green Gables and Atticus Finch in this world?)

- Inhale favorite scents (rose/chamomille hydrosols, lavender/spruce essential oil added to baths, and the smells of foods/drinks like cinnamon toast and rooibos tea are some current favorites of mine)

- Enjoy clinical tapping... definitely a full body smile for me


And, for establishing new habits, I haven't found any guidance more useful than that of James Clear in his book "Atomic Habits".

(Lots of gratitude visiting Mt. Falcon this weekend)





Sunday, January 4, 2026

Chosen Responses: Getting Bad News

I've just received this news from my doctor and it's on my mind. So, this morning, I've been pondering the things I do when faced with bad news that is not an emergency.

"Severe Osteoporosis" diagnosis (And, side note, yay for self advocacy to get a baseline DEXA scan, or I wouldn't know)

(Even bad news that is an emergency rapidly turns into news that needs a response other than 911 or run or fight.) 
So, what do I do.

The first thing I do is allow emotions and thoughts to flow.  Original thoughts tend to be more catastrophic and less helpful but the brain dump of all the scared "do this, this, this" and "but what if, this" is important.   Un-acknowledged thoughts yell louder and stall everything here.  The same is true for emotions. I let the feelings of fear, defensiveness, anger, worry flow through with acknowledgment. I feel them in my body and...

I do that first step with self compassion.  Whatever scary thoughts or feelings are present, experiencing this aspect of life with self kindness allows me to feel safe and nurtured through the process. 
In this case, some thoughts were:
- WHAT?!? WHY?!?! HOW?!?!
- But those drugs cause blood clots! I'd rather have a broken bone than a stroke. I'D RATHER HAVE NEITHER!
- Those drugs use needles! Lots of needles! I already deal with lots of needles for migraines!
- This is terrible!
And, with each scary thought:
- heart racing
- faster breathing
- chest ache
- skin flushing with heat
- eyes prickling with tears
 And, throughout this process:
- Allowing it all and responding with thoughts and actions of kindness
- Sometimes I actually talk to myself with that tone of compassion and safety, "I hear you" or "I feel that"
- Sometimes I'll do self care actions with the goal of nurturing, not suppressing the process
- Most often, I just breathe and feel that self compassion through the waves. I can talk to myself or do self care actions and I do. But, the most powerful piece for me is intentionally approaching the process with that self-compassion lens for myself. I feel that throughout my body and mind. I know I've got my own back. I am safe and loved.

Finally, I thoughtfully choose next actions from a place of more calm as I continue on with this wonderful life. 
And, I expect that this process is not a single phase; I approach every wave with the same kindness.