I've just received this news from my doctor and it's on my mind. So, this morning, I've been pondering the things I do when faced with bad news that is not an emergency.
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| "Severe Osteoporosis" diagnosis (And, side note, yay for self advocacy to get a baseline DEXA scan, or I wouldn't know) |
(Even bad news that is an emergency rapidly turns into news that needs a response other than 911 or run or fight.)
So, what do I do.
The first thing I do is allow emotions and thoughts to flow. Original thoughts tend to be more catastrophic and less helpful but the brain dump of all the scared "do this, this, this" and "but what if, this" is important. Un-acknowledged thoughts yell louder and stall everything here. The same is true for emotions. I let the feelings of fear, defensiveness, anger, worry flow through with acknowledgment. I feel them in my body and...
I do that first step with self compassion. Whatever scary thoughts or feelings are present, experiencing this aspect of life with self kindness allows me to feel safe and nurtured through the process.
In this case, some thoughts were:
- WHAT?!? WHY?!?! HOW?!?!
- But those drugs cause blood clots! I'd rather have a broken bone than a stroke. I'D RATHER HAVE NEITHER!
- Those drugs use needles! Lots of needles! I already deal with lots of needles for migraines!
- This is terrible!
And, with each scary thought:
- heart racing
- faster breathing
- chest ache
- skin flushing with heat
- eyes prickling with tears
And, throughout this process:
- Allowing it all and responding with thoughts and actions of kindness
- Sometimes I actually talk to myself with that tone of compassion and safety, "I hear you" or "I feel that"
- Sometimes I'll do self care actions with the goal of nurturing, not suppressing the process
- Most often, I just breathe and feel that self compassion through the waves. I can talk to myself or do self care actions and I do. But, the most powerful piece for me is intentionally approaching the process with that self-compassion lens for myself. I feel that throughout my body and mind. I know I've got my own back. I am safe and loved.
Finally, I thoughtfully choose next actions from a place of more calm as I continue on with this wonderful life.
And, I expect that this process is not a single phase; I approach every wave with the same kindness.
