Happy Update

I've now been sending out weekly updates for more than ten years.  I haven't mentioned them here in awhile, but the latest one was so fun, that I wanted to share.  If there are friends not getting my updates who want to, please just email or leave me a comment and I'm glad to add you.  I also have a smaller list mostly of my kiddo's teachers who get an abbreviated update entitled "Cameron clips".

My latest update (actually longer than usual and not using my frequent format of summarizing then adding a list of good things):

12/18/14

Hello everyone,

I’m feeling so happy, I figured I’d paste everything together and get out the update early.

First:

My child is turning into a flip monster!  After going through the grumbly, complain-y, it's-too-hard-to-try stage at gymnastics, he's having so much success.  And here are a few clips to show that progress:  

He finally has his front flip solidly (did 22 in a row on the trampoline) and moved off the trampoline for the first time (landed it on the floor only once):

http://youtu.be/uZhkIHoSNkk

He got really upset several times over the last couple months when he found he’d lost the skill after so much effort and had to relearn it.

He progressed on his back flip from requiring the belt assistance to the teacher assistance and then landed a few on his own!

http://youtu.be/0TWFttP-G3s

http://youtu.be/8liHKn4O6n0

http://youtu.be/uWN1ySuhleg

He made huge strides in a social skills area this week too, so I'm in a mommy zone of warm-and-fuzzy, parenting-is-the-greatest-thing-ever bliss!

Second (and he’s proud of this too, so he was glad for me to share with friends and family what I wrote to his IEP team):

I just had a wonderful experience that showed Cameron's growth and is making me feel all smiley glow-y.  I’m copying Ms. Johnson so she knows I shared with you guys.  I think this is such a huge win for his team and for him!

He didn’t want to go to the after school winter concert even though his class was one of the two classes leading / performing.  Of course, as a kiddo with a high-functioning-autism brain, he works super hard at social skills stuff throughout the day and I have never pushed him to attend after-school activities. When I found out that his class was one of those presenting though, I said that I thought he should tell his teacher he didn't plan to go.  This is the email exchange that ensued.  The first time he has written his teacher, he didn't think he could say it.

Dear Mrs. Johnson,

      I do not want to go to the winter concert because i’ve never gone back to school after I finished it. When I get home I like to play. It isn’t just for this concert, I’ve never gone back for after school activities. There was one time I went back to school for an after school activity at another school and got back later then I liked and it wasn’t enough fun. One time in another class my class was picked to stand on the play structure and lead the school in song. It wasn’t any better then singing it on the ground. I’ve enjoyed practicing with you and have sung the songs at home, but I don’t want to spend extra time at the concert. I am writing this letter so you aren’t counting on me to come.

                                                                                                                                      Most Sincerely,

                                                                                                                                      Cameron Miner

Cameron,

I am very sorry that you will not be at our concert. Sometimes we do things not just because they are fun, but because we are part of a group.  It would be a great thing if you would particiapte in some of these events to support your class.  Think about it.

Take Care,

Ms. Johnson

Dear Ms. Johnson,

I see that you are worried about me supporting my classmates. I will participate in both concerts tomorrow therefore supporting my class. I know it would be more supportive to go today also but my quiet evenings are important rests for me on week days. They help my mind cool down from school and make it much easier to focus on school the next day. I hate going to school with a foggy head and I do try to get my work done well.

                                                                                                                                Most Sincerely,

Cameron Miner

And then I wrote Ms. Johnson:

Thank you so much!  This is a huge growth experience for him!  He has spent at least a half hour each on writing these and trying to take different perspectives.  He has deleted multiple excuses after writing them and then thinking about them.  He has tried to be honest and respectful.  He hasn’t complained once about the time or effort; he clearly considers it time well spent.  He went to sleep yesterday after saying that was a hard letter, that he’d written plenty of thank you notes, but it was harder to write something when you knew the person wasn’t going to like what you said.  I’m deeply appreciative of the learning he feels both motivated and safe to accomplish with you.  Thank you so much!

Cameron is growing and I'm just in a super, happy place observing the giant leaps this shows his in social maturity. I wanted to share my gratitude with you!

Third, we got our tree and got it decorated and had a delightful day with friends.

(It’s definitely a “cute antic” that Cameron wore the giant socks given to him by his gym coach.  Finding the lights turned into a spontaneous attic cleaning as Andrew pushed out tons of boxes and stuff which made our house look like a disaster zone.  I have reclaimed downstairs and a hallway and two closets… there’s more to go.  It is also a good thing that I didn’t break my foot when a 10b container of metal beebees fell on it while I was looking for those lights. Both the tree and my foot are colorful.)

Fourth, Andrew’s birthday was delightful!  The cold didn’t hit until after all the celebrating.

Fifth, our power outage was very brief so Andrew could stay home and take it easy as he worked on beating that icky cold.

Sixth, my holiday craft was completed after Andrew taught me how to use the mandolin.  Crazy shipping costs, but this year’s small gifts were handmade “Christmas in a Jar”. (Pdf appended)

Here’s to a holiday of such delights for each of you,

Rachel

P.S. Cute antics:

• moaning as he came upstairs, "Ohhhh, my belly." (Um, ya, he just ate 5 1/2 cans of lentil soup over one evening.)

• writing this for his literature class, "My computer is like Nat’s Prinicipia.  Its games are as precious as a page of the Principia to me because they’re so fun and exciting. I also bought it with my own money which propels its importance because I spent $500 on it.  My computer is like Nat’s Principia to me.”

(I asked the lady who developed it and she agreed that this could then be strained and honey added for a cozy, tea finale!)

Perceptions Log

My spunky kid went away to overnight camp for two weeks!  It's a new one of these special places that could be included in my last post about sparkles.  From the pictures and the few comments he gave, it seems like he had a wonderful time.  Transitioning back home was... bumpy.  He seemed to have lost any interest in being pleasant around others. We couldn't tell if it was just one of those regression zigzags that precede growth or if he actually had forgotten skills.  He almost got kicked out of both chess camp and gymnastics the next week.  He accepted a fellow camper's comment that it was funny to be a troll on an internet forum, and gave it a try himself.  All our previous skills were not working for improving the situation.  We'd have long talks that would seem productive in the moment to all three of us.  Yet, he wasn't remembering them, making us all feel like those hours were wasted.

Finally, we were able to help him unearth two things he had accepted:
being annoying to others is both fun and funny
getting positive attention is harder and full of mistakes

Coupling those discoveries with the new knowledge that long discussions were no longer the awesome tools they had been, we needed to find a new tool to help him.  My brilliant husband came up with the idea of a log and we've refined it into an awesome tool together.  Due to the hyperlexia, my son has always been highly responsive to the written word.  We'd write in the log when our son came across positively and when he came across as annoying.  The positive and negative numbers were measures of how he was coming across to us, data points for him to consider (not evaluations of himself).  There were absolutely no rewards or punishments involved to distract or add anxiety.  He loved it.

He dubbed it his "drama journal" because he got the mostly blank booklet in drama elective at camp.  So... he had a drama journal to record his annoying and pleasant drama throughout the day.  (You couldn't make this stuff up!)  The first day he was going out of his way to do all sorts of helpful things to "make us" write nice things in his book.  Over the last two weeks there have been days where we mostly do our own thing and there are few entries.  There have also been days with no negative entries because he was a pleasant kid to be around... all day!  He was thrilled the first day he accomplished that!  (Of course we're not talking about his feelings, were' talking about the actions he chooses to take.  Feeling cranky, annoyed, angry, or sad at some point, for at least a moment, during each day is normal for everyone.)

At first, he would occasionally try to argue with us about perceptions because he didn't want any negative "points".  We were really clear though that this was just information for him about how he was coming across, intentionally or not.  We also refused to get sucked into a circular discussion in the moment the few times he was upset.  He reads the log to us the next day and we briefly (honestly, really briefly) discuss anything that's still a question, which is rare.  It's been amazing.  He is still going out of his way to be helpful sometimes and is also noticing when something would come across as annoying.

No big surprise, it's not really that fun to be annoying when you love your parents and can succeed with positive attention.  Seeing it in his drama journal has convinced him he can and that it's a lot more fun.  It's been an awesome two weeks for peace in our home.  Tranquility with a kid who finds it fun to be annoying was hard to find... it felt like everything kept getting poisoned.  All our attempts to connect and be close were getting twisted into times of irritation.  So, here's to innovation in parenting.  My general Positive Discipline approach and principles don't change, but there's always a new bend or twist or chasm in the road that I get to figure out.  Here's to reveling in the journey!

We went kayaking as a family today and thoroughly enjoyed each other.  He was thrilled to be dressed all in blue paddle jacket / pants and life vest... posing for a family picture though, not so exciting.

Three Sparkles

I just wanted to note three special-needs programs that have brought extra sparkles to our lives.  After another long day today dealing with my kiddo's sensory seeking challenges, I wanted to write about something that brought smiles and sparkles (not sighs and sadness).

Challenge Air is a program that allows children to actually fly an airplane.  Cameron first did it when he was four years old, but when he was five he really got how special and thrilling an experience it was.  Check out this look of utter glee and excitement and delight:

That's something super precious.  He talked about how he "banked the plane" for years.  I'll admit having your young child holding the controls of a plane when you're way up in the air is a wee bit stressful, but when he looked back at me with this face... the delight and pride and joy he felt was palpable... it lasted, it's priceless.  I use this photo as my phone wallpaper to this day.

Last year, Cameron scuba dove for the first time with this program.  The first thing he told me when getting out of the water was... he was awesome.  He knew how hard it had been to overcome the sensory challenges of using a regulator and he was super proud of himself.  He went again this year and finished off swaggering up the steps and handing me a piece of giant kelp as a present.

Finally, at ten years old, my kiddo didn't know how to ride a bike.  His classmates would zoom by and he'd get that look, but he said he didn't want to learn.  He was willing to attend this day camp  though that focused on helping special-needs kids learn how to ride a bicycle gradually.  We got back last week and he's no longer part of that statistic of 80% of kids with Autism who never learn to ride a bike.  He can head off down the road with his dad, head high.

So, on a rough day, I wanted to celebrate these programs that help add sparkles to the steeper climb of kiddos with additional challenges.  Thank you Challenge Air, Special Kids Scuba, and iCan Bike.

Symptom Diagnoses

One of the things that I think is fundamentally important to understand about Autism is that it is a symptom diagnosis.  Like hypertension or ADHD, what is defined by such diagnoses is a symptom or set of symptoms.  This is very different from diagnoses like Malaria or Sickle Cell Anemia or Down Syndrome where the diagnosis includes the cause, the reason the particular symptoms are seen.

Thus, a diagnosis of Autism only says that the person displays a certain set of symptoms, but it says nothing about why that is happening.  As understanding grows, I think it highly likely that we'll discover this grouping includes widely disparate causes that do not belong under the same title because they are fundamentally different (and will respond to widely disparate interventions).

For any symptom diagnosis, probing into potential causes can be highly useful.  That doesn't mean that the actions to directly address symptoms are ignored, but it does mean that the diagnosis is a label with a big question mark at the end... why?  Maybe a kid isn't focussing well because he has food/environmental allergies or GI pain or dyslexia or... there are many potential reasons.  Kids are also often unaware or unable to articulate clearly what they're experiencing.

This isn't an admonition to spend every moment probing potential causes as I could easily spend my life reading Autism resources and miss the joys of parenting (along with many others)!  It's just a note to keep in mind that a symptom diagnosis only gives a surface level description and seeking to understand what is underneath in your or your child's particular case can yield great rewards.

Of course, no diagnosis or label defines a kid... you never know when a kiddo with social deficits might surprise you and plunge joyfully into a kid sandwich like mine did two days ago!

Functional MRI... cool brain mapping!

My kiddo started participating in the first of likely several studies at Stanford where they are trying to understand  more about the autistic brain.  The only cost to us it time and Cameron thoroughly enjoys earning money and being the center of attention, so it's a pretty easy choice.  I think his brain is pretty cool just the way it is :)

(There is no radiation and no contrast involved, he just looks at things and is still and they get to see the changes in blood flow in his brain.)  

Cute antics:

 • responding to a potential internet loss with another instance of his unusual vocabulary... he mentioned "It would hinder me!"

• walking into the office and informing us the limit on screen time after nine pm had been nullified. (Andrew turned to me and asked if we really wanted to teach him all this history :)  Cameron knows the word because of the South Carolina Nullification Crisis.)

• commenting, "Dads a computer engineer and you're a loafer." (OUCH!  I didn't respond to that immediately though and got his definition that a loafer meant "someone who didn't work for money".  I clarified the usual meaning of the term and he decided he wasn't a loafer and neither was I!)

• greeting a friend with a hard to pronounce name and being so pleased with himself he loudly told me, "At least I got his name right!" (The effort is endearing, but I'm hoping he'll have just a wee bit of social suavity… some day.)

• mirroring my cheery singing as I folded laundry and he played legos (Top of the World, Sunny Side of the Street,  Beautiful Morning… it was fun!)

• responding to my summary of his plan with, "Precisely. Once in a world of events my mom gets something right." (The tone on this one was a clear joke, but he does get body language mixed up sometimes and will smile when he's done something wrong or sees someone angry.  I think it's an embarrassment thing, but it doesn't look / feel like it at the time!  He'll get frustrated because he's adamant that he doesn't think he's smiling and he doesn't understand how he can be smiling unintentionally.  Obviously, smiling when he's damaged something or someone is saying they're angry / frustrated does not serve him well.)

• One that I posted to Facebook after he yet again "forgot" to cover his mouth when coughing:
My priceless child... the more I bite my tongue, the more his introspective skills seem to improve!
This is what I've been listening to since I've declined sharing my computer after the latest spray of germs. (The distress gradually decreased as I let him process.)

"I don't have any ideas.  I want you to give an idea and then I'll give my own. It's not my fault I coughed on your computer.  Well, it actually is but I forgot and I wasn't thinking about it.  Just give me an idea and then I'll try to think of my own.   Fine.  So, what should I do?  Maybe a reward so I'd have some encouragement?"
[Me] "You can reward yourself."
"Ya, that should be good, but I don't think I'll need it because I think I'll remember and stop.   I might need a reminder to think about it."
[Me] Mmm? Not a job that I'd like.
"No, I don't think I'll need a reminder.  On the whole, I think I'll manage to remember because I usually think about the consequence and don't care, but now I do care.  So, if I do care, I work on it and eventually achieve it.  Since I didn't care before, I didn't achieve it.  Since I'm going to start working on it, I'll achieve it in no time.

BONUS!  The researchers just sent these pictures!

Practicing Smiles

We're having fun finding a natural smile :)

Mailbox

Well... I asked Cameron to get me the mail and...

... he explained that the package was stuck so he needed to wiggle the box and it was still stuck when he used two hands and... at least I stopped him before he brought the whole post and mailbox into the house!

Lindamood Bell Experience

Having now finished both an intensive six weeks and a first round of follow up therapy with Lindamood-Bell, I wanted to document that experience and have a place to share for those considering this option.  First, Lindamood Bell (LB) provides several different specialized therapies and my son worked with the Visualizing and Verbalizing curriculum.  In all their tests, which reflected our observations, my son had advanced vocabulary and reading skills. He didn't need help decoding language or using it in a simple manner.  However, as soon as what he was experiencing (or wished to describe) became more detailed, he'd falter. He wasn't painting a vivid picture of what the words he either used or heard meant.  He was painting a quick, fuzzy picture and that had significant consequences for his ability to both understand and speak effectively.  He would picture a potential action in the fuzzy way and not get the "natural" side effects.  He would try to describe what happened in a personal situation and would again picture it in this fuzzy way and communicate it in a disjointed manner that wasn't effective for painting a cohesive picture in someone else's head.  We'd often be totally confused if we hadn't been there.  (It was one of the huge benefits of me helping in his classroom that I could bring a context to his school descriptions.)  So, we saw many ways in which a therapy that helped him first see clearer pictures and then communicate them effectively would benefit him.

Of course, there are lots of bogus therapies and we could certainly acknowledge a wanted result without thinking a certain therapy would get us there.  So, does this therapy work?  I have been on a Hyperlexia parenting list for years and have consistently found their experiences are good guides.  Those on the list who had paid for this therapy had consistently found it a positive choice which is a significant statement considering the huge expense involved (more on that later).  So, I had anecdotal evidence based on a group of highly similar peers. There have been some studies showing physical improvements in the brain and reading improvements in schools using LB.  I bought the Visualizing and Verbalizing book and tried to impelement it myself, but was not very effective (the intensive, 4 hour per day training wasn't feasible and I wasn't trained in their teaching styles either). We took the offer of a discounted evaluation when we were living in Washington.  The tests and evaluators seemed to pinpoint exactly the areas of challenge that we saw which added confidence that could accurately evaluate my son and understand his challenges.  My husband and I first concluded that LB sounded great, but was just too expensive and we'd try to do our best on our own.  We took advantage of the free annual re-evaluations which showed our son progressing but remaining well behind in these visualizing skills.  

So, we remained interested in the therapy, but not finding it worth the financial commitment (about 10k) and time commitment (4-6 weeks of 4hours a day, 5 days a week).  Then we had a change of circumstance which made us reconsider.  When we began the moving process from Washington to California, we had an uncertain period in temporary housing while searching and closing on a new house (where joining a local school would have been disruptive).  My husband also received a sign on bonus that allowed us to reconsider the relative value of LB therapy to us.  We decided to use this as our son's school for a 6 week period.  It offered him stability and one on one attention in a key area of challenge and we hoped it would make a difference.

During intensive therapy, my son mostly enjoyed himself.  He had some minimal behavior issues of getting silly and refusing to participate, but the staff were adept at helping move him into a positive learning frame of mind and they were also responsive to suggestions for increasing his interest.  The reports throughout were a bit difficult to understand, but the staff were always responsive to questions especially during the weekly parent conferences.  I think more detailed written reports at those weekly meetings would have helped me feel more secure that he was gaining value.

Results?  My kiddo is clearly able to visualize language better.  He paints a more detailed picture in his head and is able to more cohesively share that with another person.  He will get jokes more quickly.  He'll listen to an audio book and laugh appropriately instead of his previous delay.  He'll listen to us describe the day's outings and have a cohesive picture of what that means (and be able to quickly visualize proposed changes to that schedule too which helps with flexibility).  He can visualize and respond to questions more precisely / appropriately.  We noticed improvements and his test results definitely soared in all areas regarding verbalizing his visual imagery.  While this was not the night and day kind of experience that some parents report (my kiddo was already fairly high functioning), there were clear gains.  The final test they did was in the area of writing which is a key area where I would like to see this learning applied.  Can he "verbalize" in writing this more cohesive imagery?  The answer was clearly, "Not yet."  They thought that six weeks of brief therapy (2 hours, twice a week) could help him cement this skill.  So, having moved into our new house, we decided to give this a try as an after school program.

While the quality of staff and focus on visualizing before writing was still there, this was clearly not LB's area of expertise.  They helped him practice the skills of summarizing and they also helped him do some creative writing (while the therapist typed his dictation and asked clarifying questions).  He improved some in his writing abilities, but I didn't see them doing anything that I couldn't easily do at home.  So, this wasn't a good trade of value because their expertise in writing instruction was not greater than my own.

My final evaluation is that Lindamood Bell can offer a powerful teaching stimulus with its intensive Visualizing and Verbalizing program.  I think we were correct to wait for therapy until it was the right financial choice and I think it also gave my son the ability to better grow (because he had a more extensive experience / vocabulary from which to pull in therapy).  The warmth of the staff at all three centers we used was a huge positive in making the learning environment feel welcoming.  I think their follow up that focuses on their areas of expertise could by highly valuable for students that need refreshers, but I would pass on those areas that are not their focus.  The huge value of one on one attention to address the areas that are challenging for a particular child cannot be under emphasized.  Lindamood bell combines their intense therapy curriculum with skilled providers and they focus on bringing the best of that combination together for each student they teach.

Graduation-day, celebratory sundae!

Reposting: The Idiom Dictionary

It's been over a year and I figured I could go for a recycled post this week!  I am glad to report that my son's Idiom Dictionary is now well over one hundred pages long and growing and creating delight every week :)  So... here's what I wrote originally and I'll post some of the newer pages at the end!

http://www.idiomsite.com/

http://www.usingenglish.com/reference/idioms/

It doesn't take much scanning to get a feel for how many idioms we use.  So, it's quite understandable that children, who are learning the regular meanings for words, get confused when we throw in idiomatic expressions.  Often without realizing that we're saying something quite complicated, we'll pepper the conversation with mystery.   While idioms are particularly challenging for autistic kids due to their varying adherence to concrete thinking, learning idioms is a challenge for every kid and... a fun parenting opportunity too :)

Enter the idiom dictionary!

First:

Every week, I scan one of the sites and pick an idiom that refers to a concept within my son's conceptual grasp.  For example, I'll pick something like "back to square one" and skip things like "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush".

Second:

I write it at the top of the page and write a description along with an example at the bottom of the page.

Third:

I search google images for something that can illustrate the idiom and make the idea stick in my son's head.

That's it.  It takes all of ten minutes to do a page and you gradually have a richer and richer dictionary.  (I'm up to something like 50 pages.) I tend to leave a print out of the newest page at his place at the table or somewhere else he'll run across it and I love to hear the glee with which he reads them.  He seems to think people must be kidding if they're saying such silly things, but he's learning!  I occasionally print out the whole thing to share and it's less than two dollars to get a quick binding at an office store.

So, a few examples:

It's easy to see how much fun these can be and how easy it is to personalize them!  Cameron found the elephant ears quite amusing along with seeing pets he knew coming coming out of the sky :)  I've been quite impressed with the usefulness of the tool too.  Frequently, the lessons or component parts of idioms can be used as reference tools for a variety of otherwise unrelated explanations.

Here's to more fun parenting... and hoping I don't feel the need to put my real kiddo in the dog house too often :)

Mentors

Many years ago, an Objectivist friend told me that the one thing he would have wanted that he didn't have while growing up was a trusted mentor.  Naturally, since I'm passionate about parenting, that set me pondering how I could establish that kind of safe relationship for my son.  My goal would certainly be a positive mentor as the position can be one of significant influence.

I began researching.  My first focus was Big Brothers Big Sisters.  I liked the idea of a dependable adult guide and he loved grown ups.  After learning about the training for mentors and confirming that parents had full veto power, I filled out the extensive applications.  He's been on the waiting list for Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS) for two and half years so far.

It was clear from the beginning that BBBS had a long waiting list, so I didn't stop my research there.  I kept looking and I found Athletes for Kids.  This is what I read on their website:

Our mentoring program serves children with special needs by improving their social and emotional development through a personal relationship with an older student-athlete. It is designed to dramatically improve confidence, self-esteem, and ability to relate to peers before entering the difficult teen years.Our mentors are high school athletes who understand teamwork, commitment and success. They are held to a high standard socially and academically and are often seen as stars in their communities.

I knew that my kiddo adored older kids.  I also knew that he loved to run and would be hugely impressed with a high school athlete that had mastered one of his major challenges "moving with control". (The energy just overwhelms him sometimes and respecting other people's space  is easily forgotten in the exuberance of the moment.)  I knew getting him into this program would be a challenge because of location, but I was willing to do the driving.  I filled out the forms.  I them be came a very friendly nudge as the wonderful staff looked for a match and bent the rules a wee bit since I was officially out of the area.  And... we found a match!  

Over the last year and half, my kiddo has enjoyed "play dates" with his athlete mentor once or twice every month.  I have been amazed how the relationship has grown.  While still quite socially immature, my son has made huge strides in these visits.  They're buddies now.  He cares about his buddy and just glows when we're going there for a visit.  I've also noticed the interaction has become much less like a grown-up kid relationship and much more like a friendship for his mentor too.  There's no doubt that my kiddo trusts and idolizes his mentor, so I'd place stage one at a full success.  It will be fascinating to see if they keep in touch once college comes along.

As I've considered further, I think my next step will be to ask an adult friend to fill that role.  If I can find someone who loves kids and would be interested in monthly dates, I think I could help coordinate a positive experience and not wait for BBBS.  For now, he loves his high school buddy and their time together is as joyous and positive as I could dream.  Once we are done moving, I might set up a similar program to Athletes for Kids in our new location too.  I think he could certainly handle both an adult and a high school mentor and he can gain different support experiences from each... I certainly wouldn't expect a grown up to do this with him!

http://www.nw-objectivists.org/jordan.mov

(His mentor earned the title of human roller coaster during out last visit... the giggles are contagious!)

(The video may take a minute to load, but it's only 40 seconds long.)

Here's to nurturing relationships that help us grow!  Of course, eventually, my son will be choosing his own mentors and making his own choices about whom to trust.  At least, I'll have set him up with experiences of several positive examples.

Autism Conference: Generalizable Tid Bits

I had the pleasure to attend a full day conference entitled: Supporting Children with High Functioning Autism and Aspergers Syndrome in the Elementary Setting (K-5th).


It was so cool to go to a conference center and sit down in front of a TV and join 18 other sites from across the state calling in to listen to this material.  All the sites could interact with the presenter too, asking questions directly which the other sites could here.  It was very cool!  

The screen showed presenter / slides / books and it showed whomever was  asking a question.  I had this nice room to myself except for a few hours in the middle.

I figured I would share the generalizable tid-bits from my notes:


• Kids will often say "I don't want to" when "I don't know how to start" is the problem.

• Consequences: 

-Don't think punishment, think of a better way for them to communicate the need and offer that alternative.

 - All behavior is communication.  When dealing with an undesirable behavior, add the word "need".  "Why does (child) NEED to do (challenging behavior) to get "their" way?"

•Thought filter-  The idea that any thought is OK, but it is filtered by thinking before action.  You can do a neat activity by showing kids making coffee in a pot with and without a filter.

• Develop a personalized 5 point scale for your child.

- One axis: 1(calm) to 5(meltdown)

- Columns for each topic:

It looks like

It feels like

"I can try to calm down by"

I need the adults near me to"

(This can be a great activity for parents/teachers to do too.)

Finally, I took away a slew of useful tips for my kiddo's recess challenges and this great way of describing one of his key challenges with adults:

-High functioning kids with Autism LOOK typical, but it is vital to understand the neurological disorder and to work at root causes when dealing with their behavior.  They are often *deceptively verbal* because they have a huge gap in their ability to take perspectives.  This manifests in numerous ways, but is particularly problematic in classrooms where, if they think something, they automatically think that you know what they are thinking.

My kiddo has made so much progress in these areas, but he still struggles and it was great to have the forum for asking questions, discovering resources, and... enjoying the bonus of save myself 5 hours of driving because of this awesome technology!

(Taken last week) My kiddo developed pretend play two years late (typical for kids on the Autism spectrum), but he's doing pretty darn well now!   I just love his enthusiasm  :)

Manners for Sensory Seekers

You're at the restaurant and he's under the table, clinking the glasses, or talking like you were a football field away.  You're introducing her to a friend's child and the first response is a tackle hug.  When you have a kid with sensory issues, you can walk into any room and the smell, noise, light or whatever aspect of the sensory environment can push them into the red zone.  So... what can you do?  

Manners are still important.  Decompensating into screaming fits would not be the coping mechanism you'd pick for you child, so the first thing I try to do is always find constructive outlets.  If my kiddo is finding the quiet or the stillness highly stressful, I look for a sensory stimulus to address those needs.  It takes one sandwich bag with a folded piece of parchment paper and a mini-playdough to give that soothing experience for their hands while protecting the restaurant's table cloth.  Even with prep work, they may still need an audio book to listen to to keep their vocal volume acceptable.  If you know you're meeting a new person and you know you've got a sensory seeker you can discuss meeting them at the park and get there fifteen minutes early to help the greeting glee be less overwhelming.  Manners usually require a great deal of control and sensory seekers are especially needful of strategies that can help them regulate their keyed up neurological system.

The second idea I try to keep in mind is humor. I go over lots of fun situations in this post, but the key is using this tool to keep things pleasant.  I might eagerly ask my kid under the table if there were any other moles under there since the chef was looking for something to cook.  So often, the grin can move things back to a positive zone as the head pops up to discuss the situation.

Finally, I keep in mind my child's current regulation abilities and respect his challenge by... not pushing it.  If my son has reached his sensory limit, we take a walk around the restaurant parking lot (or a skip)!  It leaves us both happier and lets him learn.  He can't grow when trapped between a disregulated body and a scolding parent.

This post isn't about the wonderful ways for motivating kids to learn manners by pointing out the consequences of actions.  Nor is it about the extensive practicing, modeling, and discussion that goes on beforehand to set your kids up for success.  This is litterally the process I go through when I see or predict a sensory issue.  I offer an alternative.  I provide a humorous, non-threatening way to return focus.  I discuss the choices and we move forward.

And... when I'm caught unawares, bowled over, sometimes literally knocked flat in the sand... I try to laugh and to remember how joyous it is to have a child that loves me so much, that  he wants to fire every neuron in his brain with the feeling of being close to mommy.  

It has taken me years of practice, but I know when I achieve that response in myself, I've achieved something pricelessly precious in my parenting.

(Ocean Shores, Washington.  It is a great joy to me that my husband caught one of those moments on film. It's a big picture, so double click on it for an extra smile :) )